DreamOfTheEndless
It’s really important to me that my beta “likes” my story. If she doesn’t care about it, she won’t be able to tell if at any point I’m derailing from the set path. Also, I don’t want anyone to “suffer” through my stuff just because they took on the task.

As for the method, before asking her to beta my chapters, I gchatted with her and gave her the story outline. Once she confirmed that she found it interesting enough, I sent her the first chapter. We went from there. She’s awesome, by the way!

EdwardsBloodType
Erika does grammar, punctuation, all the technical stuff. Suzy does the continuity and consistency stuff. LB and Beegurl do both as well, but in a different way. I get more raw critique from them, as opposed to technical stuff from the others. And when they say it takes a village…I believe it.

As far as providing my beta with anything, it’s pretty much just the doc attached to an email and a big thank you. Occasionally I send baked goods. Through the mail, of course. (I really didn’t understand the question:)

Javamomma0921
I expect honesty, first and foremost. When I start a new beta-writer relationship, the first thing I tell them is that I don’t need my ego stroked. Honestly, if every chapter comes back with “this is SO AMAZING” on it, I’m not really getting anything out of that. I write to improve my craft; you do that by making mistakes and learning from them. I want my betas and readers to feel comfortable enough with me to point out areas that need improvement. And yes, I’ve gotten comments from a beta that say, “WHAT were you thinking … this is terrible.” When I read that, I think, “This person knows I can do better, and they expect better from me.” It challenges me to go back and do better. My writing is better for their honesty and openness.

Kassiah
I don’t really have expectations of her, she’s just totally awesome. She keeps me in line, whether it’s a plot that can go off on a tangent or grammatically (lol). I give her my outline and whatever else she needs to know my story.

Lady Gwynedd
My routine is to send out the rough draft to the whole team. I have one beta and three pre-readers. My pre-readers will generally read over and tell me if the story makes sense and flows. If they spot a technical error, they point it out but I don’t expect them to get all of them.

I take what they say and re-edit my rough draft and then send it to my beta again. She does the fine tuning, grammatically and flow wise.

The thing I love about my team is that they are good, quick to return to me, and they don’t take umbrage if I don’t accept all of their advice.

Lola Pops
Basically for me it’s grammatical, but she will also edit for flow/content. A great beta will be just as invested in your story as you are. I pretty much just give her the chapter, and maybe a few notes if there’s an area I feel may need extra help.

Nolebucgrl
I expect to be told if there’s some glaring grammatical error, but more than that, I expect my beta to tell me if my plot is having issues, if my characters aren’t acting the way they expect. I appreciate story feedback more than grammatical, if that makes sense.

Raum
In two words, out of my beta I expect “constructive criticism.”

First of all, since I’m not English native speaker (I’m 100% Italian), my betas have to edit a lot to make my strange ItalEnglish more “English”

But the thing I most appreciate is getting comments about what works and what sucks in my stories. It helps me a lot if the beta provides examples, and if her advice is related to a particular part of the chapter. E. g., instead of “be more descriptive,” for me it works better if the beta says “Before this dialogue, I’d like to get a perspective. Give us a description.”

When I work with Project Team Beta, I scrupulously fill their questionnaire, with questions about chapter concerns and overall concerns.

As a general advice, *talk* with your betas! Don’t be shy, tell them what you want to improve in the chapter, in the story and, in general, in your writing. And then, have a thick skin! Some lessons hurt, but they might be the most useful to actually improve as a writer!

SoLostinTwilight
My beta checks for grammar and segmented phrases, as well as errors or confusing context of the story. We work in Word docs, where she can tag in comments (something as simple as “I like this part!” or “This is confusing- who is talking here?”) and tracks changes in the document, allowing me to accept or deny each change.

My beta is great at leaving comments and suggestions rather than making corrections herself, so that I can see where the reader may have a difficult time, or where I need to make changes. I like that she doesn’t change much more than my pirate speak or adds an “n” to “the” because it should be “then”. It leaves the document fairly pristine so I have the ability to be creative with the changes rather than accept her color in words. Some betas simply write in suggestions, but this can often color the chapter differently.

TKegl
Biggest thing for me is to make sure the story makes sense. I get so bogged down in the details sometimes, I need someone to look at it from the big picture with fresh eyes. And then of course, there’s catching any grammar and spelling errors.

AmeryMarie
I have never gone back and changed anything. That’s not to say I’ve never wished to or that I’ve never found myself written into a corner, I’ve just never done it. I have a pretty good memory when it comes to my story and characters, and I have the worlds greatest pre-reader who keeps me on track. I occasionally do have to go back and reread things, but rarely more than one or two chapters back.

DreamOfTheEndless
You tell me! I haven’t figured out the trick yet:)

That happens rarely. I have only ever contemplated doing that once, but haven’t actually done it.

EdwardsBloodType
That’s the blessing and the curse of writing fanfiction. Once it’s posted and read, it’s in stone, unless it’s a minor typo. These readers are so passionate, that they will notice if you tweak stuff along the way to fit the ever-growing/ changing storyline. And if you mention the change in a further chapter, I think you lose credibility in the eyes of the reader. So that kind of sucks. There’s been many times where I wish I would have done things differently because my plot would have been better over all, but it’s too late. (The legal stuff in HA. It was a mess! Lesson learned to consult an attorney BEFORE posting!)

That’s also were they blessing comes in. Once it’s down, that’s it and you don’t have the luxury of going back and fixing to accommodate your brilliant plot twist. It’s almost easier to wash your hands of it and move on.

In a traditional novel, you would have the story complete before it’s even edited. With fanfiction, you have to go with the flow and that process I personally feel, brings out the creative juices. It also creates some whacked out storylines, but that’s what we expect from fanfiction.

Javamomma0921
I’ve been guilty of forgetting details that I worked into my story. I misnamed Jasper’s father in ATJ so many times that I couldn’t even remember which was my original name for him. It’s embarrassing and it’s one of the pitfalls of posting chapter to chapter. You can’t really go back and edit for cohesiveness. Plot holes are bound to crop up that way. Often times readers will point it out and I thank them and go back. For the most part, readers understand mistakes like that and will overlook it if it happens once in a blue moon.

Kassiah
I add to my outline, if there’s something I think I will forget. I have a pretty awesome beta, and she seems to remember stuff. I have only ever had to go back and change something one time–I messed up the year.

Lady Gwynedd
There’s been a few hiccoughs along the way in my writing but nothing plotwise I felt the need to change. My characters are usually very fleshed out in my mind before I write and as I write, I strive to keep true to their characters along the way.

I think having a clear goal in mind and generally how you are going to get there keeps it straight.

Lola Pops
As I write, I reread my previous chapters over and over again to make sure that I’m staying consistent with the voice and the characters. I have yet to go back and change things in previous chapters. I see the flaws as part of the process! That said, if I had to do it over again I would complete the writing before posting. It’s the best advice that I don’t take.

Nolebucgrl
The only thing I ever go back and redo is if I have a typo or if a reader points out a mistake I made, which happens here or there, not a lot, thankfully. I generally don’t have a problem advancing my stories. They’re very clear in my head and I just sit down and write.

Raum
First of all, I begin to post a fic only when the first draft of the entire story is completed. This way, if I have to redo things on already written chapters (and it happens!), it doesn’t affect the readers, because the chapters aren’t posted yet.

I reread the chapters. A lot.

SoLostinTwilight
I rarely need to go back and change plots or specific details, unless I find in my research that I was in error (i.e. certain “isms” that someone from that culture has called me on, or a rule or historical fact that I discover after the fact).

I do however spend a lot of time going back to re-read chapters to recall timelines or things said or done by characters to keep things straight. Sometimes I don’t remember what my characters told me to write down!

TKegl
That’s why I prefer to have a backlog of chapters, so if something needs to be corrected (or if you get a cool idea) – you’re able to adjust previous chapters to allow for that. I don’t do it too often, but once in a while.

As far as keeping characters/plot straight, for me, an outline and character profiles (even brief ones) are essential.

Click on the b-e-a-uuuuutiful banners (made by FrozenSoldier) for more information.

DreamOfTheEndless
You tell me! I haven’t figured out the trick yet:)

I signed up for Twi Network (thank you!), Twi Fic Central, and TweetAFic. I used to put up teasers in various sites too (I don’t do it anymore. Takes too much time). My story was featured and reviewed in a few blogs, so quite possibly that helped. Although personally I felt it really made a difference when BellaScotia rec-d me in her AN. I noticed a good influx of readers right after that. Another friend (IcarusToSun) over twitter helped me out a lot too in my first few weeks in this fandom. She tweeted about my story and they got me a few readers. Since then I suppose it’s been word of mouth mostly. Strangely, I don’t think winning awards made a lot of difference in getting new readers. IDK, I could be wrong.

EdwardsBloodType
I don’t promote my stories at all. Once in a blue moon, I will attach an update link in twitter, but it’s rare. For HA, when I was active on the Twilighted thread, Suzy used to put up pic teasers and chapter teasers. That was fun, because I loved seeing the reaction before the whole thing was posted. But now, I’m lucky to get the chapters out within a month of each other. I rely on word of mouth and previous readership, if you will. I think I am fortunate to have had one story that was surrounded by a lot of controversy for a couple of different reasons, and that gained a large group of readers. While I was/ am appreciative of the following, I was glad the story that followed HA had less than a quarter of the readers, because it was hard to be constantly scrutinzed,( the more readers you have the more will rip it apart) and it was even harder to keep up with the reviews. Without sounding like an ingrate, things are quiet now, much less stressful. I like it so much better this way.

Javamomma0921
I’m signed up with TwiNetwork, as well as the Twilight Awards. I do picteasers as well as Fictionator Monday (when I remember to submit). Other than that, I really rely a lot on word of mouth. It means a great deal to me when I have a reviewer say “so and so rec’d me your story.” I try to pay that forward and tweet about stories that catch my eye. I feel like readers enjoy hearing from their favorite authors what they are reading. I don’t know if I’m anyone’s favorite, but I try to get the word out when I can.

Kassiah
I tweet my updates, and I post teasers on Fictionators and Pictease.

Lady Gwynedd
I have been lucky in that my work is recommended by other authors who have loyal readers several times.

I have also announced the posting of chapters on Live Journal in Lion_Lamb for the first three of my stories.

I currently post a tease of my upcoming chapter on A Different Forest.

I also Tweet when I post an update.

Lola Pops
Twitter is a great tool, both to let people know what you’re working on and to get to know the people who are reading. The absolute best way to hear about a story is word of mouth. I have a few people who always rec me the best fic, and I suspect that most of us have found out about our favorite stories in the same way.

Nolebucgrl
I use sites like The Fictionators & A Different Forest to post teasers. I signed up at Twilight Awards to have updates tweeted. I entered one/shot contests and got new readers that way. Awards and nominations have also been a big help. I’ve also been honored to have several readers write reviews for places like Twilight Awards & Fictionators, The Lemonade Stand, The Perv Pack and others.

Raum
When I post a new story, I send a message to the people in the fandom with whom I’m more in touch.

I use a lot Twitter, maybe I talk about the story on “A Different Forest,” I hope that friends will spread the news

Here are some good sites where I’ve promoted my stories:

- Underfictionated http://underfictionated.blogspot.com/
- Wayward pushers: http://theficpusher.blogspot.com/p/forms.html
- Twilight Awards: http://www.thetwilightawards.com/
- TwiFicdatabase: http://twificdatabase.blogspot.com/?zx=3c73edbfc6c93a6b
- IndieFicPimp: http://indieficpimp.blogspot.com/

SoLostinTwilight
I’m fail at self pimping. Most of it is word of mouth and a following from my other stories. My first story took some time to become noticed, and i was fine with that.

Lately I have been using Twitter and Facebook to promote.

I am most appreciative of fellow writers and readers that have pimped my stories out to the masses. They’ve been fabulous!

TKegl
When I have a WIP, I submit a weekly teaser to the Fictionators, and I tweet about it. As far as getting readers, I think the most important thing is to write a well-thought-out story and update regularly. The Twi-fandom is impatient and will flounce if they go too long without an update. For beginning authors, I suggest participating in one-shot contests. It’s a great opportunity to get people to read your work.

My beta was kind of the same situation. I didn’t have a real beta when I started and the person who was kind of reading through it for me disappeared. V was betaing exclusively for one of my closest fic-friends, Goldenmeadow, who kind of got us together and offered to share. V had wanted to get her hands on my fic prior to this, but didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes or anything. It just worked out, and she has been doing it ever since. She’s awesome, and I really appreciate all of her time and suggestions and help.

EdwardsBloodType
My betas found me. Suzy was just some lady that I chatted with regularly, and bounced off my ideas off of. The next thing I knew, we were having daily conferences about plot and character development and flying across country to visit one another. She added a huge comic relief to the angsty stuff in HA. She also keeps my writing consistent. She’ll find flaws and nitpicky things that no one else would.

My other beta, Erika, was just a reader, who would kindly point out grammar and punctuation mistakes my other beta overlooked. I officially took her on as a beta for HA because they chapters were enormous. She knows her stuff and I am almost embarrassed at the mistakes I make sometimes.

Lately, I’ve also been using Beegurl13 and LovelyBrutal as prereaders for their input. Because they are writers, they both have such different outlooks on writing as a craft and provide me with constructive crit that really enhances my storyline. I have a great team to work with and I am truly grateful for their friendship as well as their efforts and patience.

Javamomma0921
My beta for The Foreign Papers is DeJean Smith. I found her by sending out a tweet on twitter that she responded to; I am so thankful that she did. My pre-readers for that story are friends and other writer’s whose judgement I trust and who I know will not pull any punches with me. I want betas and readers who will tell me if I write something that doesn’t work or that isn’t true to my characters. I also want to hear if it just plain sucks. Better to hear it from them than from dozens of irate readers!

Kassiah
I’ve been friends with my beta forever, since before I even started writing. The same thing with my prereaders. I asked people who I thought would get the story and my characters, as well as pick out blatant inconsistencies.

Lady Gwynedd
I asked on Twitter and they volunteered.

I am very grateful for their invaluable help.

I told them up front what I needed (in a nice way) and asked them if they would be upset if I didn’t take all their suggestions.

They were fine with it and went on from there.

Lola Pops
I started early on with PTB, and as I met more people the relationships happened pretty naturally. Don’t be afraid to ask someone whose opinion you respect to preread or beta! Even if they aren’t able to, they may be able to recommend someone to you.

Nolebucgrl
My beta and first pre-reader came from my blog. I used to write about TV shows there and we met on chat forums and they read me and when I started writing they both volunteered to be involved. My other pre-readers have morphed out of relationships with readers. They volunteered, I took them up on it.

Raum
For my very first story, “Love Path,” I asked Camilla10. We are both Italian, so talking is very easy (I tend to be lost in translation when I talk in English). I asked Solareclipses to be the story beta, because the fic had been inspired by her story “Sins of the Piano man.” She suggested me to get in contact with Project Team Beta and it was such a great advice!

For my second story, “The Moon over Volterra,” I sent a message to a couple of writers I had particularly appreciated. They were very kind and betaed the o/s for me, although they were really busy. I appreciated it very much: I’m very pleased when authors with thousands of readers find the time to beta.

For “The Cliff,” back to Project Team Beta! It won a contest, so Project Team Beta is my lucky charm.

For my first multichapter story, “De Immortalitate,” my friend Camilla followed Romanward and Bella step by step since the first day. She’s read every draft (including 11 — eleven! — different drafts of the last chapter!). To post the fic, I was looking for a beta willing to deal with a historical fic, since the story is set in the Roman Empire. I put a message on “A Different Forest” and I found LJSummers – great!! I sent the stuff also to Project Team Beta. I appreciated very, very much the opportunity to work with different betas in the first chapters. Then Duskwatcher and Marly580 became “De Immortalitate”‘s permanent PTB beta and I absolutely fell in love with them. JMolly gives the chapters a final check before I post them. Every one helped me so much! It’s been a wonderful, rewarding, unforgettable ride!

For “An Italian Winter,” at this point you already know that…say the name! Camilla10 held my hand Marly580 and JMolly came from the team who followed “De Immortalitate.” I’m thrilled that they have accepted to beta this story too! Through Camilla, I met Corinne Tate, with whom I’m working so well!!!

LJSummers and Duskwatcher are currently busy with their own writing, so they aren’t following this multichapter story as betas, but I promise that I’ll do my best to put in “An Italian Winter” the writing suggestions they gave me with “De Immortalitate.”

SoLostinTwilight
Most of them are internet friends that have followed my stories from the beginning, and close friends that I can trust will give me honest feedback. Honest feedback and people who are invested in the stories are a must for successful collaboration.

TKegl
Project Team Beta! I originally had two, but one kind of stepped out of the fandom, but I still have my other original beta from my first story, tiffanyanne3.

DreamOfTheEndless
I need to have the whole plot worked out in my head before I can commit anything to paper. I used to work with MS Office, but recently I’ve switched over to Gdoc.

EdwardsBloodType
With fanfiction, so far, I’ve pretty much used just my head. I keep an image of the major scene and the opening, and then use that to make all the little scenes link together. Even if I have a definite plan on paper, whatever happens in a chapter happens and will mess it all up anyway!

I’ve used an outline just to keep the chapters from getting out of hand, and that helps tremendously, because the story can get away from you and end up being 80 million chapters when your original plan was 25. I try to focus on the goal and not get side tracked.

I just started using a storyboard for a new project, which is basically a really structured tool to keep your plot and character development cohesive and grounded and following within the rules of fiction writing. I have a slight fear of committment when it comes to writing, so it’s been harder for me to do that because I feel like once it’s down on paper, it’s final, which is not the case, of course. I have a few different copies of storyboards if anyone is interested.

Javamomma0921
I started out not outlining at all and very quickly realized that stories had a way of getting out of hand if I “pantsed” it completely (pants = fly by the seat of your pants). Being me, I went the complete opposite direction and tried detailed outlining. I quickly found out that trying to make my characters bend to my will would only give me a serious case of Writer’s Block.

I finally read a little on the outlining process and found something that works well. I use the 10 scene flow chart to outline all of my stories. Basically, the idea is that every story, be it 100 words or 200,000, can be broken down into 10 major scenes. It takes a stretch, but if you apply it to one of your favorite books, I bet you can boil the action down to 10 scenes that make or break the book. The rest is just filler to bolster up the story. I break my stories down into those 10 important scenes to make sure I hit all of the important things and let the supporting scenes fall into place as they will. It’s a nice balance between pantsing and over outlining.

Kassiah
For my previous stories, I used Microsoft Word and Excel. I tried out Scrivener with il Sensale. I’m also a huge fan of index cards.

Lady Gwynedd
I use a pen and a paper and jot down major plot points; where I want to start and where I want to end and how I get there.

This out line isn’t gospel because sometimes the story goes its own way during the writing process but usually that’s only about small things.

Lola Pops
I’m a visual person, so I use post-it notes and a wall to outline. It makes it easy to make changes as I go along, and I work best when I can see the story as a whole.

Nolebucgrl
I use Microsoft Word to write, but I generally don’t write an outline at all. I might jot some ideas down and revisit them, but everything tends to be up in my head and I just let the story flow from there. I follow the characters, I don’t dictate where they go. Everybody has their own style, but that’s what works for me.

Raum
If the story is a one-shot, I write a summary of the entire story and then I begin to write.

If the story is a multichapter fic, I write a long summary of the entire plot. Then I write a short summary chapter by chapter.
For “An Italian Winter,” I prepared also a timeline, since I had to switch between the story and the back story.

I use OpenOffice.

To keep everything organized, I use a table – chapter by chapter.

SoLostinTwilight
My basic outline is in Word doc with chapter names and brief synopsis of what happens in each chapter to help in progression of the story. It is not uncommon for me to have to renumber though when a chapter deviates or is expanded into 2 chapters. if that happens I often start out with lettered chapters (i.e. Chapter 12a and 12b)

TKegl
I have just started using YWriter5, and I really like it. It’s great for outlining, because you build a story by chapters, and then scenes within those chapters. It’s easy to move around scenes, and when you’re done, you just export it to a RTF file and use Word for final formatting.

AN: After being totally shocked at being asked to write for Smut University, I was prepared with a different topic when my amazing friend, Erin (les16), suggested this one. As soon as she said it, all I could think was “yes . . . yes! Why didn’t I think of that?” I did a quick Twitter poll and found that this is actually a topic that needs to be addressed. So, thanks to her for the idea. Thanks also to HeatherDawn for this awesome graphic, to Caren for being a famazing gif-tracker, and to MrsAC for looking over this for me–possibly repeatedly.

Homework:

Get it out of your system. Write a lemon using as many of the words and phrases on this list as you can. Anytime you feel tempted to call his dick a “quivering member coated in the creme of her arousal,” you can come back to your homework, realize it’s ridiculous, and stay strong in your writing.

Read the Submissions

Article: So many of us are guilty in using less-than steamy words and phrases at some point or another when writing smut. You know the readers have read a thousand lemons and in an effort to make yours “unique”, you start . . . describing things. Sometimes, I honestly wonder where the hell some of these words even come from. I mean, really–why in the name of rob would you want to describe Edward’s cock as “dripping”?

Smut University students, after having been under the excellent tutelage of some of the hottest writers/professors, I feel that you have honed your skills and will make excellent use of the tips and tricks you’ve learned. So, let’s close out your Smut U semester with the Top 10 Words and Phrases that you shouldn’tuse in order to keep your lemons libidinous.

10. Core

This isn’t a real trigger for most people, but it does conjure up some quite unpleasant associations, including images of half-eaten apples (ew) or an Earth science lesson.

Mac said it best:

Quote:

 

It sounds like an apple core…or the core of a battery. Ramming a love rod into a dripping core (and they always seem to be dripping — don’t these women frequent the gynecologist for good vaginal health?) is not sexy in the slightest. Rather, it sounds like a hostile invasion involving…well, fruit. Who wants that?

Who indeed?

9. Creamy/Cream (or Creme) of Arousal

“The cream/creme of her arousal coated his hard shaft.”

Um. No. Please no.

Unless you’re using “cream” in this case (or for dessert), it’s best to avoid it:

Follow ltlerthqak’s advice:

Quote:

 

This seems to be a big one in Harry Potter fics. I mean really–if you’re COATING someone with something creamy, you should really go see a doctor like STAT If you’re mature enough to have the sex, you’re mature enough to take proper care of the equipment.Gah, now I need to go take a shower or something. Yuck.

8. Hole (includes puckered hole, gaping hole ::gag::)

Do I really need to explain this?

7. Penis, Vagina, Labia

Sure, it’s the technical terms. But technical terms aren’t sexy. Unless your character would think about things in such absolute scientific terms or unless you’re portraying naughty Dr. C, it’s best to avoid them.

6. Tongues battling for dominance

Tongues do not battle for dominance. Do they?!? Hopefully, they do this:

5. Shaft (including Member, Rod, and Length)

Awhile back, Katinki posted an article with things to consider when writing a male-POV in which she requested: “PLEASE do not have your male call his cock something stupid.” Guys don’t think like that, and really, neither do girls.

Unless you’re talking about this stone-cold mofo, find a different word. To quote the fabulous Jenny,

Quote:

 

Just call it what it is! Penis, dick, cock, whatever. Erection always makes think of a building. Also, member annoys me too. Member of what? A club, parliament? Erect member - ewww

4. Dripping (Exploding, Gushing, Weeping) Cores/Vaginas/Entrances/Pussies 

Oh, rob. Don’t even get me started on this. Whether it’s a leaky faucet, a geyser, or a zit (omg ew), the thought of this does not get me hot. At all. If something’s that wet, you should swim in it. Or get it checked out by a doctor. Immediately.

3. Juices

You might know that I am slightly obsessed with an Edward that drinks Orange Juice. If it’s not that kind of juice, I don’t want to read about it. I’m pretty sure no one else does, either.

2. Cunt (same goes for Twat)

Unless you’re referring to someone, like Skanktoria, being a “flaming cunt,” don’t use this word.

1. Moist

Overwhelmingly the number one word on my twitter poll, “moist” seems to squick everyone out. Everyone hates it:

Just take that out of your vocabulary. Moistness in fic has ruined cake for all of us.

Bonus of Ick.

Though these words didn’t make the top ten, they should be avoided if possible:

• Bundle of Nerves
• Nub
• Cum instead of Come
• Milking
• Slit
• anything that’s “Misted with Honey”

I tried to come up with something clever to say to end your semester with a “bang”, but I think the uber-talented solareclipses summed it up perfectly in herlesson:

Quote:

 

A good rule of thumb beyond knowing your characters and story really well? Go light on the adjectives and be aware of the nouns you’re using to describe those girl and boy bits.

There may be instances in which it is acceptable and necessary to use some of these terms (but never “moist” lol). Just know your characters and their bodies–don’t try to add a bunch of superfluous text to take the place of what’s going on. I have faith in you and know you’ll do us proud!

Vive le smut!

Homework:

Write a drabble/short scene in a realistic style, and then the same scene using things that would probably be considered fictional sex characteristics. Have fun with it!

Read the Submissions

Thank you to Dr_Twilight_PharmD for the amazing banner!

Ah, fictional sex. It has about as much in common with how sex often happens in real life as the fast food you buy does with how it looks in commercials. Sure, just like sometimes you end up with a Big Mac that looks like it belongs on a rotating platform, working it for the camera, there’s that rare occasion where everything goes perfectly.

You’re horny—and so is your partner—and you have lots of privacy. The stars have aligned, and you’re both brought to incredible heights of pleasure…

Sorry, I got a little carried away there.

It’s kind of a sad joke among the romance-writing (and by extension, erotica) industry, whether you write New York Times best sellers or fan fiction, that women only read that stuff for the sex scenes. The stereotype also goes further, saying that’s because they’re lonely moms, bored housewives, crazy cat owners, sad single ladies (cue Beyonce!), or that they’re not satisfied by what they’re getting, so they have to read it.

While the stereotype can be accurate in some cases, I believe that, by far, most of us read romance and erotica for one reason.

It’s fucking hot. Or hot fucking. Both, really, so I guess that’s two reasons.

Let’s face it… If we wanted to have a dose of how sex actually is, we’d go grab our Mr. or Ms. Rights—or find a Mr. or Ms. Right-Now—and get down to it in all its messy, unpredictable glory. And that’s fine, healthy, and as it should be. It’s not perfect, and we shouldn’t expect it to be.

However, sometimes you need that little detour from real life. At the risk of sounding like a movie trailer, you want to escape to a world where there are no boundaries, to a world where you may be shoved out of your comfort zone, and where there is a guaranteed, uh, happy ending.

In both senses.

That’s where fictional sex scenes come in. Now, I completely realize that not all fictional sex scenes involve perfect, pleasurable unions; there are many that are more realistic or deliberately disappointing, mostly to scoot the plot along: e.g. when the heroine has horrible ex-sex and runs off somewhere, where she meets the hero for the first time. I’ll be ignoring these scenes for the purposes of this article and concentrating on lovin’ between the protagonist and their beloved, mostly so you don’t have to read something that’s ridiculously long.

I’ll start with the differences. Real life sex, as I said above, is unpredictable. There’s jiggling, weird noises, odd facial expressions, accidents of all kinds, bodily fluids, timing issues, and frankly, it’s not necessarily pretty. That’s because we’re human. Think about it. Even in porn, you don’t see the “oops” scenes, where someone farts or they forgot to give the girl an enema before an anal scene. Yeah. It’s real, but edited to be perfect.
Like these two, for instance. There’s something super-fake about this picture…Take your pick on what it is, though. My bet is that they’re not natural blondes…

Your characters, however, are not human. They’re something else entirely, even though they certainly can seem alive at times, and exist in this world where you can mould them however they’ll let you, providing you stay within the traits you’ve given them. Therefore, we can make fictional sexy-times as idealistic as we want. Well, mostly. I’ll get to that part in a minute. You want your hero to push the heroine up against a wall, pick her up so her legs are around his waist, and make sweet, sweet love to her like that? Hell, yeah! Want your heroine to deep throat and swallow? Bring it on! One (or both) of the pair is a blushing virgin? That’s okay. Nothing will hurt, and everyone will last long enough for simultaneous and/or multiple orgasms. Height differences? Not a problem. Your hero has the upper body strength of the Hulk, and your heroine enjoys wearing sky-high stilettos.

You get the idea.

Fictional sex is about an experience for your reader, just like the rest of your story should be. It’s about immersion…sometimes it’s whether the reader can picture themselves in the scene, or if they can visualize your characters instead. Both are fine. Fictional sex can also broaden your audience’s horizons. A reader might not be into S&M, but after reading your hot and appealingly written scene with blindfolds and handcuffs, they might give it some thought.

Despite the fact that you can take a lot of liberties with fictional sex, there are some things to keep in mind while you’re writing. It’s a good idea to keep your scene grounded enough in reality so that the reader doesn’t lose that experience. If the reader can’t identify, at least partly, with your characters, it won’t work. If you have your hero hefting your heroine up into his arms for standing sex and they do it like that for the whole scene, readers are going to roll their eyes. Your hero may be awesome, but no one is that strong; a normal guy could probably do that for a few thrusts, but then have to put her down, lean her against something like a wall, or have a seat himself, before he throws his back out or drops her.

There are a few other things that might make your readers go, “Huh?”

Both the language you use or don’t use can also lend credibility to an amorous scene. Don’t give your characters long, gushy monologues. In reality, your lover would probably roll their eyes and try to find a better use for your mouth. Write the amount of dialogue you’d be comfortable using in a real-life sex scene. That’s a good guideline. Obviously, if your scene would be mostly grunts and moans, try to find a good way to convey that without it sounding like the Geico cavemen are having an orgy.

The same goes for flowery language. Would you want your hooha referred to as a “weeping furnace” by your partner in real life? I didn’t think so. Please don’t use that in your fictional writings, either. However, the scene may have a need for more dialogue than people would use during real sex, and that’s okay. Since we can’t physically see the characters and are reading about their experiences, the reader will need slightly more dialogue than would be used in reality to stay with the scene.

Swallowing. Yep, I’m going there. There can be a big difference between fictional sex, where nearly every virgin is a sex kitten waiting to suck her hero’s cock so she can unleash her amazing lack-of-gag-reflex skills on him, and realism here. While it’s okay to not make things taste like a dessert in a five star restaurant, you don’t have to (necessarily) make the heroine’s experience a negative one. Just keep this in mind when cultivating your oral scenes. Plus, there are other places for the man to come than in the heroine’s mouth. Just sayin’. Get creative!
Lube. Another thing to remember. In realistic sex, sometimes things aren’t as slick, slippery, wet, soaked, gushing (*note* I am NOT using the word moist) as we’d like them to be.

So, a little lubricant can make things go much easier. Even with real sex, you’ll likely need it with condoms, and definitely when involved in any water action. Check out the water sex article for more in that department. And no matter whether you’re doing an anal scene straight from real life or writing a fictional scene, lube, lube, and more lube. Nothing takes a reader out of a scene with buttseks where no lube is used. Just…no.

Birth control and protection. In real life, this is obviously a necessity. You and your partner need to have the “Can I get you pregnant/do you have herpegonosyphilaids?” conversation if you’re responsible adults, and, hey, you’re mature enough to be having sex, so you should be able to talk about this stuff, right? This issue is a little bit tricky in ficland, though. If you’re writing something the length of a short story, which is roughly anything under 20,000 words (just an estimate…word count is flexible), then it’s kind of up to you. When I’ve written anything of that length, it’s usually a complete story. No need to worry about pregnancy or weird itchy bumps; the story ends with a happily ever after, and that’s all she wrote.

With longer works, however, the responsible thing to do is to follow your real life example. Have a brief birth control talk, or even just have your hero reach into his bedside table and put a condom on, no chatting required. Quite frankly, the safe sex talk is not sexy. But being safe when it comes to sex is. Because then you can have more of it.

Climaxes. Orgasms. Stamina. Our fictional heroes (and heroines, too) seem to be made from the same stuff the Energizer Bunny is. They can screw all night, barely get any sleep, and then do it all again immediately/the next night/all day without any recovery period, soreness, or chafing. As most people know, this is pretty much impossible. That’s not to say that there aren’t folks out there who can manage this, but for the general population, it’s not realistic. But this is one of those things that I’m going to advocate that you don’t touch for the sake of making fictional sex more realistic. Leave this one alone. It’s hot.

Things to take away:

• Feel free to take liberties with your fictional sex scenes.
• Ground your scenes at least partly in reality. People like a little plausibility along with their fantasy, so they can identify with the characters.
• Keep dialogue realistic, but don’t be afraid to expand a bit on what your characters are saying. Just make sure it’s no more or less than is necessary for the scene, so it doesn’t distract the reader.
• When writing an oral scene, have fun with it, but keep it rooted in reality.
• Lube and birth control/protection: Don’t be shy about writing them in! They can be done in a sexy way, so use them. Again, this makes your fictional sex scene more real for the readers.
• Stamina and climaxing. Leave this be. It’s one of the reasons you and your readers read smexy books and stories…hot people who can go allll niiiight loooong!
• Above all, have fun writing them! They can bend the rules a bit…it’s what makes fictional sex so appealing to read.

Homework:

For your homework, take the first example from above, and write it into a realistic water sex scene.

Read the Submissions

Quote:

 

Bella settled with a sigh in the warm, deep water of Edward’s bathtub, and wriggled in between his long legs. He swept her hair off her shoulders, wrapping it around his fist, and kissed the side of her neck.”You still taste like chocolate,” he murmured against her skin.A giggle interrupted Bella’s soft moan. “Hmm, I wonder why,” she said. “Maybe because you practically painted me with it. Like what happens to that woman in ‘Goldfinger.’”"I did,” he agreed. “Which did you like better: the chocolate or the strawberries?”Oh, I can have some fun with this, she thought. “The honey,” she purred.

The reaction against her back was immediate and satisfying. Bella had done some painting of her own, on some select inches of Edward’s anatomy, and those inches obviously remembered it fondly.

Bella twisted and turned so that Edward had to release her hair, letting it float behind her.

“Again?” she asked, with a knowing smile. He nodded happily.

“Again would suit me just fine,” he said, and she sat up and straddled his hips, the movement making the water slop over the side of the tub. She lowered herself down on him, and all she could think was–

Ouch.

Or rather, that’s all I can think while reading this–even ignoring the death of foreplay, there are at least three things that bother me in this little scenario, which I’ll run down in a moment. Don’t get me wrong: getting all wet and bothered in a private place that isn’t a bedroom has a lot of appeal, and it can give writers a break from thinking about how to remove their characters’ clothes. But when it comes to writing smut set in bathtubs, hot tubs, showers, swimming pools and various bodies of water, there’s an ocean of issues to consider.

Here, I would argue, is a more realistic version of sex in the water (even if it involves a cold-ass vampire):

Quote:

 

I immediately glided over to him, the water in the hot tub making my movements much more graceful than on land. His chest was warm, so were his arms, so were his hands.”This is perfect, too,” I said, and Edward pulled me to him so I could wrap my legs around his hips, my bottom grazing his thighs, and–ah, his hard length pressed directly and deliciously on my clit. We both moaned at the contact, and his arms encircled my back so the currents couldn’t float me away. His own lack of buoyancy made him an immovable stone.We kissed and touched and enjoyed the warmth eddying around us. This position allowed me to drag my nipples against his, and he tipped his head back so I could nibble on the side of his neck as best I could. Our lovemaking this morning had been confirmation that even if I couldn’t get purchase on his skin, even if my teeth were ineffectual against him and my hands weak, he obtained intense enjoyment from my touch, even more than I did from his. I ran my fingers as lightly as I could down his back and over my interlocked ankles. Down as far as I could go, and he shuddered and mumbled quietly. I had explored his body so much over the last month, but most of it was still terra incognita, and would remain so until my senses sharpened. I had so much to look forward to . . .But for now my, body had more immediate needs. I lifted myself slowly, thrillingly, against his length till I was at the tip, and then pushed down against him–and stopped in shock at the unfamiliar sensation. Edward’s eyes snapped open, and I raised myself up again and down to find the same sensation and stopped once more. I looked at him in puzzlement and said something that I’d never had to say before to him.”It’s . . . uncomfortable,” I confessed, confused. “I don’t know why.”

He didn’t seem surprised, though. “I wondered if this would happen–the water washes the lubrication away,” he said softly, and I felt a pang of disappointment that my fantasies of making love in a hot tub wouldn’t come true.

When I posted that scene in Getting Warmer, I got thanks from readers who said that it accorded more with their experience with sex in the water than was generally depicted. As Renee tells Bella in Sare Liz’s story The Day the Earth Stood Still:

“Water: good for foreplay, bad for sex.” (Because Edward is a bright boy, though, he figures out a way to deal with the lubrication issue.)

In my “research wink  wink” (to borrow GingerWombatkat’s formulation from the first lesson in this session), I’ve found that there are many pleasant things to do in tubs, but, to my disappointment, intercourse isn’t one of them. (I should note here that I’m not any kind of expert on matters sexual; I’ve just been married for a while to a man who really likes jacuzzis. I should also say that I’ll happily accept that some of you out there may have wonderful sex immersed in the water. In which case, I a) envy you greatly and b) haven’t met you.)

For the rest of us, there are problems, some of which I set up in the introductory passage. First problem, as you can guess, is lubrication. The heroine might be aroused beyond words, but if the water washes the slickness away, it doesn’t do her much good.

And while in a rare double standard favorable to women, hand jobs in the water can work for us (yay, clitorises!), they aren’t as pleasurable for men–the water makes for unpleasant friction. An illustration of that occurs in in.a.blue.bathrobe’s terrific Tropic of Virgo: she makes it a sign of how desperate Bella has made Edward that he gets himself off in the shower despite the discomfort of the water under his hand.

One solution to all this is lube, though not the water-based kind usually available at the drugstore, since they wash away too. I’ve never used the silicone-based lubes recommended for this situation, so I can’t say how well they work. In any case, the hurdle for writers aiming for realism is not only having lube handy, but having it be the right kind–and in all my reading of fics, I’ve never seen a water scene with lube (if you have, let me know in the comments; I’d be interested to see how it was done).

Another solution is getting the necessary body parts out of the water. Mr. Price reminds me of an enjoyable evening that involved getting worked up in a hot tub, and then standing and holding onto the rim . . . well, you get the idea. Anyway, no lube needed, and we weren’t distracted by the possibility of heat stroke in the heat of the moment.

Second problem: Where are Bella’s knees? If she and Edward are in one of the crappy molded plastic bathtubs pervasive in modern American houses, they’re digging uncomfortably into his thighs. (Even in my substantial and exceptionally deep prewar porcelain tub, there’s not enough room for a pair of knees to bracket a pair of hips.)

Billionaire Edward (or Billionaire Bella–I wish she were more common) may well have a conveniently wide bathtub, but it would bear describing. There are, of course, other places with the right type of tub: Mr. Price and I were recently in a hotel with a very comfortable square tub that accommodated our knees quite nicely–sadly, the right kind of lube was not lined up with the little complimentary bottles of shampoo and shower gel, so we had to change venues. But your ordinary bathtub just isn’t going to work.

Third Problem: Any moment now, the shrink from downstairs is going to come pounding on the door to complain about the leak in her ceiling from all the water spilling from the tub. Again, Billionaire Edward’s got an infinity tub with drains all around it; the rest of us have unhappy neighbors and a bill from the plasterer.

So what is our couple to do? Unfortunately, oral sex poses a special problem: vampires don’t have to breathe, but we mere humans do. There is a wonderfully erotic, very popular AH, I’ve just read in which Bella gives Edward a blow job in a bathtub, and for the life of me, I don’t see how she can do it without a snorkel (which would definitely hinder her performance) unless Edward is freakishly endowed, or the water level is a lot lower than anyone would want to sit in. It’s a minor glitch in a great story, but it is momentarily distracting.

As for cunnilingus, the logistics give the phrase “muff diving” a whole new meaning. And as for anal sex in the water, without lube–let’s just draw the curtain and turn away with a shudder, shall we?

Which leaves us with foreplay (which I hope is what is going on in that waterfall shot in the Breaking Dawn trailer. Please?). Anyway, foreplay in all its many varieties gives us a lot to give our characters to do in wet situations, and that’s what the Bella and Edward in the introduction should try instead.

So what about showers? you ask. It’s a good question, since shower encounters seem to be the most common water-related ones in fics. The great thing about showers is, of course, that you can get away from the water and let natural lubrication do its work. But it’s not all smooth sailing.

Once more, the ordinary American bathtub poses logistic problems. With its sloped sides and slippery curved bottom, it is not conducive to the most common shower positions I’ve seen in fics–against the wall and standing doggy. What’s better are shower stalls, with their flat floors, and lack of ledges. And what’s even better than that are shower rooms, which have more space to maneuver.

But I have to confess right here that I’ve never had up against the wall in the shower be a success: too slippery, too uncomfortable, too tiring. I’m clueless on how to make it work other than to have a vampire be one of the partners.

Sorry. Your advice is welcome.

Standing doggy, on the other hand–yeah, that can work, at least for a while. It’s best when one partner can hold on to something securely bolted into the wall and push back. It’s a mood-killer when your hands slip and you whack your head against the wall.

Meanwhile, oral sex, while doable in showers, especially ones with something to hold on to, introduces some characterization problems, I think. Is your hero the kind of man who would be comfortable seeing his lover on her knees on a hard, rough floor? And is it erotic to have a heroine who stays in possession of her senses enough to remain vertical? (Here’s another instance when a vampire partner would be useful.)

A final shower note: hot water runs out. The stories I’ve read have been pretty realistic about this. I suspect because it’s happened to all of us at some point, the shock of cold water gushing down on us before we finished rinsing out the conditioner. Some AUs, like The List by Laura A. Cullen, cleverly have Bella get turned on by cold water because of its similarity to a certain vampire’s temperature.

(For me, there’s an irony in this commendable nod to reality: while I live in an apartment that is too small, doesn’t have enough closets and is so hot that sweat is trickling down my back as I write this, Mr. Price and I could soap each other up in the shower all night long and never run out of warm water. It’s one of the best things about living in New York City. Or as my future father-in-law more colorfully put it when I marveled that three people could have separate, simultaneous scalding showers in his apartment: “I’m paying for a Manhattan co-op. I better get as much hot water as I fucking want.”)

There are other dangers lurking in the water that are less important for fic writers than in real life, but they’re worth mentioning.

Disease and irritation: Sex in the water means water ending up in places it shouldn’t be, and sometimes that water has chemicals or bacteria. I remember one fic (my apologies for not recalling the title) in which Edward objects to Bella’s suggestion of a romp in the ocean because it’s “U.T.I . sex.” Smart guy.

Pregnancy: Condoms and water don’t mix. With lubrication washed away, they’re more likely to tear (from the extra friction), and if water gets inside they can slide off.

Other nasty chemicals: Many sex toys described as water-safe are treated with BPA and phthalates, chemicals that do useful things to plastics but also, studies are finding, mess up hormones. You don’t want them rubbing up against your (or your characters’) delicate tissues.

Overcooking: In that great classic of volcanology, “Dante’s Peak,” an attractive young couple are frolicking in a hot spring in the Cascades when the water becomes a geyser, a sign of impeding eruption. It would be a sad fate for Edward and Bella to discover a heretofore unknown volcano in the Olympic National Forest in such a way. 

Having just spent 2,000 words pouring cold water (sorry) on the idea of hot tub/ swimming pool/ pond sex, I feel obliged to say that hey, it’s your own story, and you can write whatever you want. That’s the beauty of fanfic. But I would also argue that there’s already such a big element of fantasy in our stories–a hero who is heart-stoppingly beautiful, fabulously rich, brilliant, talented, and, above all, eternally besotted with the heroine–that a dose of realism in the smut is a necessary counterbalance. It’s good for our stories, and good for our readers who are inspired by them.

Homework

Using the rules outlined in the lesson, research a position, fetish, or other sexual activity that you normally wouldn’t be interested in exploring. Keep an open mind. If you are comfortable, apply your research physically in a safe environment. Use the information you have obtained to write a scene. Remember that personal failure makes for good writing too.

Read the Homework Submissions

Research is the cornerstone to good writing. It’s especially important for the citrusy goodness that many of us seem to favor. While not everything has to be believable, at least a thread of truth is required in order to keep people reading. 

You can do whatever you want, so long as you have some of your facts right. For instance, Edward can get away with being a crazy, maniacal bastard hell bent on ruling the world, until he decides to go for anal with no lube and Bella really enjoys it the first time. Um, ouch… You have got to use some lube at least the first time around, and even then it’s usually an acquired taste for most. How do I know…? well… Do you really need to ask?

I put in some solid time doing research. Wink  wink

There are two types of research. There is theoretical research done in a purely abstract manner, and then there’s the more personal side of research, henceforth referred to as “research wink  wink.” I’m not saying that you have to do it to write it. However, sometimes you may want to consider it, and you should definitely put some time in learning at least in a theoretical sense.

If for some reason you can’t do research wink  wink due to feasibility of the act, moral issues, or lack of a willing partner, there are other options. There’s a lot of misinformation on the internet, but there’s also a lot of good information out there. How do we tell a good source from a bad source?

• Rule #1: If the source is solely narrative, you must treat it as fiction. While fiction is great for inspiration, it kind of sucks when you’re trying to figure out mechanics.

• Rule #2: Is the source written by someone who seems to be able to string together a semi-grammatically correct sentence? You do not want to be taking sex advice from teenagers using textspeak. (Although that has worked out for me once in the past, it’s generally not a good idea.)

• Rule #3: Porn is only marginally helpful. Why? At its heart, porn is fiction. I don’t use it as a research tool – ever. Some people do, and it works occasionally.

• Rule #4: Any source with lots of blinky, flashy ads, is probably bad. You may also want to check your computer for viruses afterward, just sayin’. Safe surfing is as important as safe sex. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to clean my neighbor’s hard drive after he’s visited sites that weren’t so reputable in the name of research.

• Rule #5: Look for analyses and forums. You want to find someplace where people are discussing the topic not just storytelling.

Nine times out of ten books are awesome sources. I know what you’re thinking. You don’t want to go buy a sex book. That’s what the internet is for, baby. Well, the internet and pervy friends.

In the process of writing EnPointe, one of my notes back from Malficentknits pointed out that I’d kind of glazed over where Edward restrains Bella. I did it on purpose, because I didn’t really know what I was talking about. Mal called me on it.

Here’s the original section:

Quote:

My panting changed to a fearful gasp when he brought out the rope from under the bed.  Rope was never good.  It meant that he anticipated a struggle.  I struggled to calm myself.  I pulled inward and focused on breathing steadily.“Bend your knees.” His tone was so casual that he could have been talking about the weather.  I drew my knees up just below my bottom.  Edward grabbed my ankles and forced them apart.  He tied the rope around one and then to the corresponding wrist.  I couldn’t move that side.  He pulled the rope under me to the other wrist and wrapped it before securing it to the other ankle.  I instinctively tried to move and found that I was completely helpless.Edward smirked as I writhed around a bit, trying to get more comfortable.

It’s not bad, but Mal was right. It could be better. This gave me a few choices. I could steal narrative from elsewhere and conveniently reword it enough to be unrecognizable, which would be totally unethical and just wrong (it’s called plagiarism and people – including me – will kick your ass for it). I could drop the rope bondage altogether, leaving the story wanting for something. The final option was research.

My husband happens to be an Eagle Scout, so we had rope lying around. However, I really had no clue where to look for reliable information on Japanese rope bondage. That is until I remembered that one of my childhood friends had a bondage book on her shelf the last time I helped her move. I sucked up my pride, channeled my inner badass who doesn’t care what people think, and asked my friend for book recommendations. She came through with not only the book, but some informational videos. We still don’t talk about it because she’s like my little sister, and I really don’t want to know about her sexual proclivities, but I got the necessary information to write a more convincing scene.

Here’s the final draft as it appears in the story:

Quote:

My panting changed to a fearful gasp when he brought out rope from under the bed. Rope was never good. It meant that he anticipated a struggle, or planned on restraining me for an extended period of time. I battled to calm myself.I haven’t been bad, I sobbed.I pulled inward and focused on breathing steadily.

“Turn over,” His tone was so casual that he could have been talking about the weather. Meanwhile, I was struggling to find sanctuary in my head from the fear. My response to rope was a Pavlovian spike of fear. I would work past it and find a quiet space inside my head, but I had to get there first. I rolled carefully and crossed my arms behind my back. This was familiar territory.

He started his intricate work on my arms, sliding the rope smoothly over my skin as he worked from the middle of the first length. I could feel my heart pounding. Edward had said “play” earlier. “Play” meant that he was going to drink, and he always made that enjoyable. The rope on the other hand wasn’t for play. He always held me with his hands for that, because I was always a good pet while he was drinking.

I’m good. I can be good.

The rope continued to slide over my skin as he tied knots at strategic points. I concentrated on the feeling of the rope instead of what it meant for my body. Edward was working slowly, he wasn’t angry. If he had been angry I would have found myself already tied and suspended, gasping in shock, and trying to adjust to the situation. If it hadn’t been completely out of character for him, I would almost have thought that he was giving me time to get used to the rope. He never cared about that kind of thing.

With my arms secure, he turned me over. I turned my head to hide the evidence of tears rolling down my cheeks. I knew that the act was pointless. He always seemed to sense when I’d been crying. I wondered if he could smell the tears, or if there was some change in my body chemistry that alerted him to my mental state. Nevertheless, I hid from him.

“Bend your knees,” his voice was softer, like he was trying not to wake me. I drew my knees up just below my bottom. Edward grabbed my ankles and gently pushed them apart. He wrapped my legs in another series of carefully placed knots, forcing each leg to remain bent, and anchoring the ropes to the knots on my arms. I had almost found a calm state of mind by the time he finished. Edward pulled away and observed his work. He liked to look at me trussed up with the rope. Sometimes he would sit and watch as my muscles grew fatigued from being held in place. I instinctively tried to move and found that I was completely helpless. My state of mind slipped back to panic. I didn’t want to stay like that all day. I thought that the lesson and the clamps were my punishment. I wiggled and tried to find a way to relax. My arms were uncomfortable with my weight on them, I was able to slide them slightly closer to the small of my back before feeling more tension.

Edward smirked as I writhed around a bit, trying to get more comfortable.

It’s drastically different from the original version. Not only is it longer, it’s sexier and darker. It also sets up a bit more of their relationship. You wouldn’t have gotten that had I glossed it over, now would you? I didn’t really have to let my husband tie me up to get the information I needed for this. Everything in there was gleaned from the rather informative material that my friend sent me.

As for research of the wink  wink variety, I will admit to experimenting with certain sexual positions, and substances which shall not be named (coughcoughgingercoughcough). Why? I couldn’t get my head around how that would work or what it would do no matter how much reading I did on the subject, so I tried it.

Now, I didn’t just run out and obtain the necessary items and plunge headfirst into the deep end. That would be foolish. I found some reliable websites on the topic and read about it. Then I read some more. I read about technique, safety, handling, and what to expect. After my research was complete, I figured, “Hey, what’s fifteen minutes? It’s not like it’s oil based if this goes wrong I can always wash it off.” I ventured forward carefully after that, and found that I had the necessary information to describe how that would work with some authority.

Research wink  wink has some rules. These are mostly for your own safety.

• Rule #1: Traditional research comes first. Do not just dive into the deep end. If you don’t know what you’re doing you could get hurt, or embarrassed. You really do not want to have to go to the hospital because something got stuck in an intimate area and you can’t get it out, or because you’ve done something wrong and hurt yourself.

• Rule #2: Do not do anything that would be medically inadvisable. If your MD has told you “no sex,” she probably has a reason behind it.

• Rule #3: Use some common sense, if you have sensitive skin, allergies, or any other complications to experimentation make sure that you’re being safe about research. Test items on less sensitive skin first, check labels, and observe proper safety precautions. It’s also prudent to wash anything that’s going to have intimate contact with you.

• Rule #4: When possible it is advisable to experiment with help. There are some things that you just can’t do on your own. Additionally, there are things that you don’t want to do without the benefit of having someone else there to help you should you have a problem. Be smart about this. If something doesn’t work out, and let’s say a Ben Wa ball gets caught somewhere, don’t panic. If you have help, and you stay calm, you decrease your chances of becoming an ER anecdote.

• Rule #5: Maintain your sense of humor. It comes in rather handy in the bedroom.

If you’ve had bad luck with finding what you need through traditional research, and research wink  wink isn’t an option, you can always ask around. I can guarantee you that whatever you’re looking for you can find someone in the fandom who’s done it. As it turns out, we’re a bunch of really kinky people. If you don’t know where to start, I’d advise you to ask “Nurse Kimpy” over at the PPSS blog. She’s kind of like our own fandom Dr. Ruth.

After doing your research, make sure that you apply it. This doesn’t mean that your characters have to be 100% responsible. However, you as an author should be. If your characters do something potentially dangerous, you should not assume that your readers aren’t going to try it. You may want to consider putting a disclaimer in your notes.

I am going to note that research should not stop with citrus. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve flounced on reading badly researched stories. There’s nothing worse than being knee deep in a fic and having to call “bullshit” because the author got something horribly wrong. I do this with pregnancy and medical situations in fic all the time. A lot of this information is easily found, there’s just no excuse for stupidity.

All in all, research is fun. You’re a writer, research exercises your brain and makes you better. Go forth and write some well-informed citrusy goodness.